So I went to my regular check up as usual today, as usual I had to wait for quite awhile before actually meeting the doctor. I thought it would be the same regular check up with the same news just like any other weeks but I was terribly wrong.
I was told that the donor cells kept dropping since day one after the transplant. From 93% and now 17%. Its somewhat a bad news because it has to remain high in order to produce enough cells for my body to function properly. I held back my tears so badly after hearing this. My mother was with me during the consultation and I didnt want to cry because I knew she would cry too. For that moment, I thought "hey, your time is going to be up soon, AGAIN." Though the doctor quickly added on, telling us that it could be my bone marrow recovering on its own thats why its repelling my moms cells. It may seem to be true since my blood counts are somewhat stable. What are the chances that a previously empty bone marrow could return to its original state? I mean, its rare to catch such a disease already and for it to recover on it own? Doesnt it seem to be all too good?
I tried telling someone but i dont want to bother them because i dont want more people to pity and befriend with me because im sick. I want genuine concern that comes truly from the heart and i dont want to become a burden to another person. Not everyone can understand my problems and be in myself shoes to really feel what i feel. That takes a really selfless person to do so and I do admit if it is me, I wont be able to do so.
Everything feels so surreal now, whats happening to me now seems to only happen in those "oh so typical" storylines i have read/watch too often. Yet, when it really happens on yourself, will you truly understand the pain the protagonist feel in the storyline. For now, I will just hope for the best and cherish those who make the effort to understand what i am going through.
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