2012 is coming to an end very soon but I don't really have the 'omg it's gonna be a new year' kind of feel. It's like this year's Christmas too, don't have the Christmas feel. Sighhh, what is wrong with me?
I should probably do a review about this year I suppose, since I know that I won't be posting anytime soon after this post. Start of the year 2012, when I go up to junior college, I thought, hey maybe I can make new friends who will follow me throughout the rest of my life, like those whom I met in secondary school. Although I've no reason why I was so anti-social during MG period, but I'm glad I met a bunch of friends during OG, whom I can laugh and joke about everything in the process.
Somehow or rather I became the class manager at the start of the year, which was really unexpected because I never expected me to be a leader and I know I'm not the type who can take responsibility that well. That were times when I felt like giving up, thinking that what did I do to earn this. Maybe I've complain to whoever about this but it can never match up to how I really felt. Yes, I'm someone who depends on people around me a lot, this is what gives me security. Being the class manager means I'm the one people is depending on. I don't like the feeling. I feel like if I do wrong at something, I'm bringing the whole class down. Yet, despite my efforts, there are people who don't understand how hard it is. The process was tough but I'm glad I scrape it through this year and hope that next year would be better. Though everything I've said about being the cm earlier is negative, I did realize that I've slowly become braver because I'm not that afraid of speaking in front of the class and that I've learn to stand up more for myself. It's a huge change for me, considering I used to be the one giving in to everyone, even my friends. Though saying all this, I feel that I'm a really fake person. All I know is to complain and complain, maybe some people already feel that I'm so irritating in the process, I don't know. Since 'to err is human, to forgive is divine', forgive me then? No one is perfect, I know, but I believe that everyone should try to be their best, be understanding and caring towards others. I don't know if I've done it but yeah, I hope I can.
Speaking of which, I feel that I've become more hot-tempered this year. I'm more impatient towards people I know. I don't know why but it just suddenly boom, I'm like that. There are times when I feel that I've been very understanding towards a particular person but the person expects me to give in all the time. I don't understand why the person can do the same as me, be more understanding and give in occasionally. Maybe I'm tired of giving in, I've become someone who expects people to give in to me now, I don't know. I'm just in a total mess this year.
Family. I yearn for a happy family. When I come home and I can go hey people! I'm back! With a smile on my face. We all get to go out as a family at least once a week or have dinner together more often. I hope that my parents would be more understanding towards my JC life. It's not that I don't want to go home sometimes, it's just that I'm in school to study or some other activities. There are times I would rather go out slack than go home, I know and I'm guilty of that. The truth is, my family is in such a mess that you can't sense any family bonds between all of us. Sometimes I see my mom in front of the computer managing her fan club, my dad playing games, my sister reading or using her phone while I'm tweeting the way etc. There's not much interaction as compared to the past, when everything seems to be much easier and it's livelier in the house. I also hope that they can be more understanding and be more trusting at times, I'm soon to be 18, and I know what should be done and what should not be done. I go out shopping etc is to interact with my friends and relax a little from school. They feel that friends are a huge influence to me but I think that for them to influence me, I need to be one consenting to it. It's about me making the right decision for myself. Decision that I won't regret. Please believe me that I can do if. I've grown up, I'm no longer that weakling anymore. I must learn the hard way to be strong, I cannot depend on you guys forever. I can do it yeah, just give me a little trust.
I really hope that 2013 will be a better year. I just need to work on my personality more I guess. Don't blame others because you are not always right all the time. Same goes to everyone I guess, be more understanding. Spread the love yeah! May all be well. I also hope that you can last long with her, maybe what happened to us was because of our childishness. Now that we have grown up, we learn to think of ourselves and realize that we are not the right one for each other. Nonetheless, I still hope that all will be well for you. I guess I've never wrote you such stuffs but yeah, may all be well for you too!
Okay! I hope everything will be good for everyone in year 2013 and the years to come. Especially my family, my friends and myself. I really want to live life without regrets.
Love,
Vivian
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